Thursday, May 9

Kroger to add dance floor between bananas and Wine Bar.

WESTERVILLE, OHIO - The Wine Bar at the Kroger on Maxtown Road is the new middle-age pick-up paradise. The party starts rocking at 4 in the afternoon Friday and Saturday “nights.”

“I spent a couple hours there Friday afternoon. 
Got a couple numbers too.” 58-year old bachelor Bob Abrams said, unfolding a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket. “Let’s see here … Jenny, 867-5309, and Oprah at 1-877-CARS4KIDS … Damn it.”

Studio 54 and over.
The hangout has been so popular, the store is in the process of removing some precious produce space to add a small dance floor.

“Soon you’ll be able to work up some courage and then ask a potentially special someone to dance. After that, who knows?” A store manager said. “We’re thinking of hanging some condoms by the zucchini.”

An undercover Ledger investigation found people talking, laughing, even making out in the corner as early as 4:45pm.

“I came in for the salad bar.” One disgusted 20-something shopper said. “But if that’s what the future holds, could you point me toward the rat poison aisle?”